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Being Important with a Cell Phone
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Are you a really cool and important person? Do you make high powered business deals and rub elbows with rich and influential people? No? Then you need to get a cell phone. It's the next best thing to being somebody! If you have a cell phone, you can take it into restaurants and make calls and speak loudly while you are there, so everybody can hear you. Be sure to drop a lot of cool sounding names, and talk about how somebody needs your help, and somebody else wants you to do some important job, and how you traveled to some exciting place. Even if you don't have anybody you can call and bore while you show off, you can just pretend to call. Nobody will know the difference. You can take your cell phone to other places too. Take it to airports. That's a good place to hang out and pretend that you are somebody with a cell phone. And there are always people in airports who don't have the choice of getting out, because they would miss their plane if they did. So they have to sit there and listen to your phone calls whether they like it or not. Of course, there is no doubt that they love hearing you talk on your cell phone. Oh yeah, some people claim they don't like it, but they really love it and they are jealous and in awe of you because you got your $59 cheap phone with the cheap plan. They'll never guess that you had to wait years for the prices to come down before you could afford one. A drive-through is also a good place to take your cell phone and talk on it. At the bank is one example. While you are sitting waiting for the teller to cash your $10.43 check, or deposit the pennies that you dug out of your couch, you can talk on your cell phone and give the appearance that what the teller is for you is simply beneath your attention, because you have so many important calls to make that just can't wait. And when you are at the drive-through at McDonald's you can use your phone there, too. There will always be a long line of people in cars behind you. They will see what an important person you are while you are there picking up your Big Mac and fries. So, what happens when you make a real call (instead of a fake one) and the person you are calling gets bored with your chatter and tells you he has to go. You can't have your audience know that you've been cut off, because you are a very important person! All you have to do is say, "I've got to go, I've got to call Bill about that business deal. They can't do it without me." Then you make a call to Bill. Mention something about "that thing we are working on...." Drop a lot of names. Mention a lot of places. Say loudly that you'll try to work it into your schedule. Do you get the idea? Many people have discovered this secret of being important. After you do it, you even start to think the people sitting around you are impressed. You will convince yourself that they are in awe of you and they are honored to be in your presence. It won't occur to you that their blank stares off into space is for another reason, and you won't even consider the fact that every one of the people you are impressing has noticed that nobody calls you. |
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